Friday 8 November
A full day stuffed with trips, sightseeing, and exploring. However, honestly, mentally, the heat was on. I struggled a lot, and while I've been transferred to this city, I know now that these 3 days here are the most uncomfortable, most challenging, and toughest of this trip.
I started the day with a workout and wanted to work on my business, but the Wi-Fi was lacking, and I couldn't do all of the things I wanted to do. It frustrated me a bit because I want to prove to myself and the outside world that I have the discipline to be a digital nomad and take independent action, but I can't do all I want to do when I don't have full access to the internet connection.
My laptop is not the best device to work on right now, but I'm glad I bought a separate SIM card for my phone, which allows me to have internet so I can do some business tasks from my phone. Even when I try to see the small positive points of staying here, all things together don't really enrich the overall experience.
In the end, I could make it to do everything I wanted to do, set all systems in place, and tick off all the boxes. I should feel good, right? Well, there's something else disappointing me, and that's me myself. I think I expected too much from this trip, from my reaching out while being here, and the enormous hope that this would make people text me that they would love to know what it exactly is that I'm doing.
What was on my mind?
That, because I'm now pretending to live for a while like a digital nomad, people would fall with bunches into my inbox? I guess I did, but that didn't happen at all. The world just doesn't work like that.
After breakfast, I met my guide, who took me on a full-day exploration of the countryside by tuk-tuk. Sitting in a vehicle for the entire day triggered a lot of anxieties, fears, and old beliefs that came to mind. I felt restless and exhausted at the same time, while the heat kicked in and made a massive impact on my mindset and concentration. I was fighting against myself, and it made me struggle a lot on an inner level. I couldn't stop thinking about moving my body, being active, and running away. Food was, for a sudden, a topic again that popped up in my head, limiting beliefs and restrictive thoughts came back, and I felt lonely while there were people all around me in this city.
Overall, the guided tour was very interesting, even when I couldn't fully focus on it the way I wanted to focus on it. We drove through the countryside, along different villages where I had the opportunity to have a look at the process of making rice paper, banana chips, mango slices, rice wine, and more.
All of the people that came across were really friendly, but the trash everywhere reminds me of why I'm also here; I'm not here only to travel, but also to challenge my inner struggles and to look at our planet through another lens. Because not everywhere we live like in Europe, not everywhere do they have the opportunity to go to school, to learn, to have rules and the handouts on how to handle trash, waste, and plastic. It's about people like the ones in Cambodia. With the time and money I create from building and scaling my business, I want to help other cultures in the way they look at their habits, to teach them more about our environment, what plastic does when it's thrown away or even burned in nature, and what the overall effect is on their health.
And I don't see myself staying here right away for a couple of months in this environment. I think I'm that type of girl who honors a place for her own and needs that certainty of comfort. Not in the way of luxury, but a decent and clean place to stay. However, I'm getting back with a story, a perspective of what I've seen, what I experienced here, and with that, I can inspire others in our part of the world to look at their own life in another way. To be aware that our complaints are not a real 'thing' for us, while in fact we should be very grateful for all we have, may and can do, because it's not everywhere as decent, stable, and comfortable to live as we do.
The final part of the tuk-tuk tour included a trip to Banan, where we climbed the hill all the way to the top. I sweat a lot, but when we reached the top, walked a bit further on the rocks, and saw the sun going down in the late afternoon, everything felt cold. Suddenly, I was totally amazed and in the moment. A little bit further, I could descend into the 'Killing Cave'.
The story goes that people punished themselves in different kinds of ways, because they hadn't lived along the lines of Buddha. The five precepts for laypeople guide against actions like killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, and taking intoxicants. Punishment was quite often the sacrifice of life. On top of the hill, I could see the hole where people throw themselves into to land on the bottom of the cave; death. Their religion is something so huge, and it's mapping out a complete way of living that's honorable on the one hand, but rigorous and rigid on the other hand.
After that, just before 6 pm, we went back down the hill and walked along the road on the side till we stood in front of the Bat Cave. The sunset took place, the sky got darker and darker, and just before the last sun rays disappeared, a scream came out of the cave, and thousands of bats flew out into the sky, into the darkness.
Still, I struggled with myself on a mental level; Where should I eat tonight? What may I pick? How am I going to survive tomorrow on my own in Battambang? Is the wifi in the hotel going to allow me to jump on our team call tomorrow?
On the way back, I asked the guide if he had tips for the next day, and he recommended renting a bike. Really! That I hadn't thought of that before! I can leave the city, explore, and just pick some spots I had pinned in my Google Maps to go to. I guess I'll survive the day and need to listen to another podcast tonight that empowers my self-belief.
Believe in yourself and all that you are
Know that there's something inside you
That is greater than any obstacle
Reactie plaatsen
Reacties