What a disappointment to be transferred to Battambang.
The welcoming feeling I had while I stayed in Siem Reap was totally thrown away when I arrived in this city. I'm really doubting going to the hotel service desk tonight to ask if they can make it so that I'm going to Phnom Penh somewhat earlier.
I arrived at the hotel here in Battambang, and the room is fine, but that's all I can say about it. I don't feel safe. The city is crowded, dirty, and the people are friendly; however, I feel quite unsafe here as a Western woman. Especially when I walk around in the environment.
I had pinned a nice café/store in my Google Maps, but the path to get there was off-road, through the poorest neighbourhoods of the city, while walking over broken stones, almost being attacked by three wild dogs, and feeling overwhelmed by all the trash that's everywhere. Literally. Plastic, dumb, waste, and the smell of rotten food are not something I'll forget easily when I remember this place.
I feel uncomfortable being here solely, and I don't say it's because of the people. Just like in Siem Reap, everyone is friendly, kind, and children wave at me, saying hello and smiling. However, for a woman alone, with my awareness and looking into the surroundings, I don't fully feel free to go out there and do everything without looking around. The reason that I feel unsafe is also a sign that the country is still developing and needs support, a cleaning system, and a lot of lessons and learnings about how to keep themselves and their country healthy.
When I was looking for a place to eat, I headed over to a nice site (well, I thought it looked pretty when I searched for it on Google Maps), but I left the city center again, had to walk in an area without street lights, and ended up at a pub café where locals could eat and play snooker. I turned around, pinned another restaurant on my map, got to sit outside next to the water at my second stop, but the menu only contained the Cambodian language. I didn't have a clue what was written on it. I stood up, thanked the waitress, and explained to her that I would go away because I couldn't read the menu.
By that time, it was going to get quite late, and I felt that I was going to get hungry, so I picked the third spot for that night and told myself that this had to be a good one. It was a hostel with a rooftop bar. Fortunately, I felt pretty safe, the people were friendly, and the room looked clean. I got to take off my shoes near the entrance (something you see a lot here), walked the stairs to the roof, sat in a corner, and finally could let my shoulders down.
I ordered a salad with vegan tzatziki, an Iced Coffee, and had contact with the travel guide. I would love to go away, out of this city, and be transferred to Phnom Penh a bit earlier, but I don't know if that's possible. That should then be Sunday when I leave instead of Monday.
Tomorrow will be a full day with a guide, so I'm quite okay with that. However, the day after tomorrow I'm off, all on my own, and when I look at the impact of today, and I think of being a full day on my own in this city, feeling the way I feel now, I'm not sure how to handle that.
The first intention is to hide, stay in my room, don't come out of the hotel, and hope the day is going to pass by very quickly. On the other side, I feel angry at myself, because if I'm really going to do that, I'm playing small, like a kid, and I'm not here to hide. I'm here to show myself and the world that I'm coming from rock bottom and now live my life!
You can't dream yourself into a character
You must hammer and forge yourself one
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So proud of you Romy, and grateful that you exist 💕