10 November 2025
Well, I do have to say (as it's now evening), that not everything went straight away to get to Phnom Penh. I struggled already to find the bus station. I was too late in the first place, and I didn't know what to do:
Yesterday I got a message that someone would pick me up at the hotel around 7 am. I woke up at 5 am this morning, did my workout, worked a full hour on my business, and went with my luggage to the lobby just before 7 o'clock. No driver, no guide to see... I waited for ten minutes, but still there was no one to pick me up. Honestly, the frustration came up for a moment, because the bus would leave in 20 minutes and I didn't have a clue where the bus station was. I took my phone, opened Google Maps, typed in that I wanted to go to the bus station, and got one point that had that name, so I thought I would go to the right place. When my phone told me I was there, I still struggled to find it. Bus stations, of course, don't look the same as in Holland, so I also didn't know exactly what I was looking for.
I walked over to a couple of people, asked for directions, but they all spoke Khmer and no English, so I didn't understand what they were telling me, and vice versa. Finally, a man walked with me to the right place, but even then, I wasn't at the right spot. By that time, it was time to leave, and the bus would go without me, which brought me into panic.
Luckily, the guy at the bus stop could call the other place and ask them to wait for me. We hold on to a tuk-tuk driver on the street, who brought me to the right place. In a hurry, I took my luggage, hopped on the bus, and we headed over on a 3-hour ride from Battambang to Phnom Penh. I was exhausted already, especially on a mental level, but so glad I made it to be on the bus.
Now, I'm in Phnom Penh, the capital city of Cambodia. It's crowded and busy, just like you may expect from the main town of the country. I settled myself at the resort where I'm staying for the next three days. I went for a long walk, but first and foremost, I wanted to visit the Cambodian office of Enagic (the company I work with) and meet some business partners in this part of the world. The guy who welcomed me was really surprised to see a distributor from the Netherlands, and he was full of enthusiasm to tell me the ins and outs, the top producers in the country, and a little bit of background and history information. Later on, I walked further through the city, along the channel to a small, calm café where I drank an iced coffee and had a look through my photos and the messages I got throughout the day. Then I walked back to the resort, took a shower, and went for dinner. The tension from this morning ebbed away while I just lived my day, and I do feel good right now, but my head is full of thoughts. I hope a good night of sleep will give me some more energy to get started again tomorrow.
11 November
I felt awful today. I had to wake up at 6 am, worked on my business, had breakfast, and went on a guided trip. My body felt heavy, I was exhausted, and I couldn't fully concentrate on what the guide was telling me. I'm doing something today I wouldn't have done before, when in my eating disorder period: eating more, while taking rest throughout the day.
I came back from the tuk-tuk tour through the city. While we had a stop during the tour, I only drank an iced coffee and a Diet Coke, which made me feel even worse. Back at the resort, I got to go to the toilet and felt like I had lost all that my body had taken that morning. I put on my bikini, got my phone with me, my ear pods in my bag, and went to the pool. I lay down in a small bay window on the side, slept with only some calm relaxation sounds through my ears, stood up, went to my room, and lay down on the bed. My body was screaming that it needed energy,
I shivered, but my mind told me that I couldn't eat anything because I wasn't as active as I needed to be. Of course, there's no need, but it's an old eating disorder thought that popped up and created that rule again. I kept fighting against it, had already a spot in my Google Maps to go for dinner, but was procrastinating the fact that my body told me to eat something properly NOW.
In the room, there was a fridge with some drinks and on top of the small cupboard was a water cooker, some coffee powder, tea, a box of crisps and two small bags with nuts and a nut mixture. I took one package with nuts and ate it, slightly feeling better, but my body kept screaming for something fulfilling and nutritious. I kept fighting against these thoughts, didn't allow myself to eat or drink anything, while not being active, up and running, but then the anger hit me; Sh*t, Romy, there you go again. This is not the life that you want to live, as restricted as these thoughts are. This is exactly not what you want to listen to, so you're going to stand up, go to the bar right here in the resort and order something that's going to nourish your body. Kick yourself in the ass and go!
I stood up, looked at my face in the mirror, pale and white, put on my shoes, went to the bar and ordered a huge glass of mango smoothie.
You can conquer almost every fear if you will only make up your mind to do so
Remember;
Fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind
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