Speak from the heart
It took me a while before I realised how it felt to speak from my heart, with intention, with inspiration, and with spark. Doubting myself blocked me for a long time, and by starting to use positive affirmations based on self-belief and self-confidence, I became aware of my capabilities, what I really wanted to achieve in life, and how I felt in building my own brand.
To be honest, I was looking for travel content in the first place. I really loved spots of vacation, tropical islands and beaches, and the realisation that I could be a digital nomad, travel, be financially independent, and soak up the sun every day. Because that's what everyone wants to live by, right?
I thought the same, but somehow I felt disconnected when I reached out to travelpages and people who had that life, who did travel and made their own brand of it, and who could wake up against the shores.
Yes, of course, this is an ideal situation, but when I really dived deeper within myself, I noticed that I didn't start to work online to travel every time in my life. I also adore a place to stay, a comfortable base, a home to come back to, and, from what I can really be a support for others.
I needed to dive deeper and look at what I truly wanted to achieve, the person I am, and what I would love people to say when they remember me. Within the conversations I had with those people, I struggled a lot. I didn't know exactly what to say, because I was looking for people to support them, but now I was talking to people who already had what I wanted and with the blocks that are still inside of me, I didn't know how to step into the role of an entrepreneur with authority to fully show them that I had something to add to their lives, that even would make it better.
It took some time to figure out that this wasn't aligned with myself, that those people were not my tribe, and that I had to dive deeper within myself to see who that person is that I exactly wanted to help. I also felt scared to reach out to people by myself, still anxious about being rejected or that people would express all the negativity they had on their minds. Now I see that this is something I need to face, to go through to really overcome that fear and step into a version that's more grounded, solid, and confident.
What was it exactly that scared me in those conversations?
I was scared to hurt other people in the first place if I showed up with authority and power. On the other hand, I was also scared of others' opinions and that the people I was talking to would hurt me the way I had been hurt in the past. That's also why I keep falling back into the 'nice and friendly' role. I don't want to spread a message that's not received by the other person in the way I meant it. It comes from my past, when people threw their thoughts, their negativity, their f*cked up words, and laughs in my face. It hurt me so much that I always went home directly after school. I hid myself, I didn't want to be seen, and I ate away my emotions. But it only increased what was already happening, what made me feel really lonely. I wasn't skinny, I wasn't pretty, or popular, and others told me not to eat in public, because my belly was already round enough.
It hurt, it hurts, and I'm scared to hurt people with what I say, like others did with me.
I hated myself, I hated myself so much that I tried several times to die, I stopped eating, and when, by then, for a sudden the compliments came, I thought I did the right thing. So that became my safe space, which pulled me almost to death. And even when that critical moment in life threw me back into reality and gave me the chance to live again, that block is still stuck somewhere. The block that I still don't accept my body, that I still feel uncomfortable, that I sometimes try to hide, because I'm scared of others hurting me, to give me negative comments again, and I'm scared to hurt someone else in this way too.
But the ones from years ago are not surrounding me anymore. I'm not that little girl anymore; I have my own business, and I may feel that I step up for myself, take advantage of my actions, and not let others overrule me. And I know what I say, so if I'm aware that I don't use the words or tone of voice in the way others hurt me in the past, and my message is sent from the heart, I may trust myself that I did the right thing.
However, it's easier to think than to really feel that this is true, but awareness is always the first step to change.
People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
But people will never forget how you made them feel
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