The Imposter Syndrome
What the internet says: The Imposter Syndrome often occurs alongside depression and anxiety. Depression can make it difficult for you to acknowledge your victories and strengths, while anxiety can lead you to fixate on how others perceive you.
Failing to reach your own high standards will only further contribute to feelings of anxiety or despair.
It's about doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud in every situation. Feeling like someone's gonna find out that you don't belong in a position or place, or realize that you aren't worthy of everything you've accomplished.
That last part of the section above is truly what I feel and what I resonate with when I think about the Impostor Syndrome and what it means to me. I do often feel like I show up as a strong person, confident, knows what she wants, but that deep within myself I'm not quite sure if I'm truly that person, and because I've been bullied for the most amount of years of my life, I feel like I'm still a small girl, someone who needs to hide, someone who's not worthy to step up for herself, because I've always been told so. It's hard to imagine that nobody will talk negatively, while I'm used to it and to the fact that people will treat me like an ant on which you can step easily.
It's a limiting belief, I know it's in my head, that I think I need to stay small, because others won't ever see me as someone with authority, someone with a voice, a story, a face, because I never 'fit' into the image others had of life, of the world, of behaving. Because of that, I think others will still see me as someone who doesn't fit in, especially when I have now started my own business and do even more things that are not aligned with society's standards. I feel like a fraud, but more in the eyes of others and their perspective on life.
I know I don't need to do that, because I don't want to fit in anymore, I don't want to play small, and I don't want to run for 10 other people who are never going to run for me, too. Still, it's a thought that holds me back to grow and stepping into that full leadership role. Let's break it down together.
When I look back on my life 1 year ago
What has changed in you, your actions, your growth & what goals did you achieve?
One year ago, I was just, like now, when I'm writing this, on the edge of hopping on the plane and flying further than Europe. Last year I went for the first time overseas, and on the 3rd of November I'm going quite far again, but not overseas this time. What changed is that I opened my mind for opportunities, to stop clinging to that handsome guy, who shaped my whole life by that time, but started to accept that there's more to life than a relationship.
I opened my energy, clicked on the ad I already swiped away a couple of times, started my own online business, while writing my book, a story to the core of my life, but I took on both things, which caused me short nights and a lot of pressure. But, I kept going, faced a money block within myself, pushed to overcome this, and helped my family with some finances, while growing my business, and sharing the products with them. After 7 months, I have already ranked up in my business and attended 2 offline events. I did step up for myself, and even when I feel anxious about others' opinions, I did it anyway.
How do you feel about the goals you realized?
Happy, grateful, empowered, strong, thrived, driven...
When I look at the past year and starting my business, a lot has changed. I faced a lot of fears, struggles, but being fully aware that those goals I achieved came after that is a bit overwhelming. It feels unreal, but also really excited that it DID happen all along the way. So my feelings are a mixture of happiness, overwhelm, gratitude, adventurousness, and excitement.
Know that all that happened was up to you
Can/may you be & feel truly proud of yourself?
Yes, and no. I still feel that there's a block inside of myself that says that I'm such an egocentric, little, small, and unworthy girl to be fully proud of myself for achieving those goals. I know I may be proud, but to fully feel it is still hard to realize.
And I know that I'm not alone in this: feeling truly proud of yourself takes time, courage, and a journey to build self-confidence, growth, and independent action. I feel like a failure when I want to take a step, but immediately think of what others will think of my action, that others would say that I'm not that grown up enough, not the type of person to show up like the person I want to become, that others would make me small by letting me down, telling me I'm pretending to be knowledgeable, but I'm not that far yet.
It's the thought that others would say that, but is it the truth? And are you holding yourself back because of those anxieties, and because starting to believe in yourself might make it happen that you achieve those goals and your dream life in reality? And what happens then, when you're there?
I can imagine that if you have a goal in mind, you're afraid to achieve it. After all, if there's nothing beyond it, no open space to learn, to grow, and to have even bigger goals, it's something wonderful that may hold you back at the same time, because it feels like a closed door.
So learn to grow, learn to take independent actions, learn to be proud of yourself, your uniqueness, and look further on the horizon, because there's more than you can think of.
It takes strength to be proud of yourself and to accept yourself
When you know that you have something out of the ordinary about you
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